There are’nt many people who can confess in self doubting at times. As hard as it is I am one of them. Asking questions like , can I do this , can I achieve this , is what I want to do realistic or not . A lot goes through my mind at times and it took me a long time to empower myself and install certain values and qualities to be averse on self doubting.
I empowered myself with what I now define as SELF LOVE. For me self love is when one has accepted themselves for who they really are. Accepting and loving yourself with all bumps , lumps you may see are a disfigure of a true reprentation of who you are or even what you want people to see as the real you.
Self love is also about doing what you love with passion. Pitty some may think what is relevant at a time is what they love or want.
It took me a long time to learn to love myself the way I do now. I know by saying this one may think this is a crazy thing to say and I will have to agree with them. It has taken me to be in my 30’s to accept and love myself whole heartedly. I now know why they say learn to love yourself first before expecting someone else to love you. It’s not that I never loved myself before, I did. What I am really trying to say is when I want younger I needed to be accepted by my peers so I needed their validation in everything I did. I wanted to be cool and relevant. And we all know how being accepted plays a huge role when growing up. And as hard as it is when you are growing up , it’s also some cases with grown ups especial in women.
Women are known for the drama , tears and scheming. Love yourself and be strong enough to be able to recognise the signs and quickly remove yourself from such. Not everyone will be willing to do that because we are scared of being alone but what is a fact too , is that , we cannot be friends with everyone.
People tend to be confused when it comes to friends and acquaintances. Learn to differentiate these two and that will empower you to know your limits and expectations on people, vice versa.
Becoming a mother taught me what greatest love of all is and that was the turning point for me. And when such light bulb moment comes, they can come with guilt and negative effect. This moment has an impact not only on you but on those around you. What matters most , is how you deal with it because at the end of the day you cannot please everyone. I normally say how you deal with things will either consume your sleep and daily thoughts negatively or positively. As long as you can live with yourself after without feeling guilt of your decision than it all ok.
What we as people sometimes lack is the ability of being honest with ourselves. And we fail to realise how this impact us daily. But we all have turning points in our lives where we stop kidding ourselves or lying to our innerselves. When I became a mother I revisited the ‘innerself’ and put questions about myself to myself . When I finally managed to answer them honestly without doubting, being upset and teary that when the ‘new’ me was born. I had a new sense of love for myself.
I am still work in progress ,everyday I work on myself for me. The aim is to be the best person I can live with day in and day out with no guilt or disgust. I want to be the best wife , mother , sister and friend even if some decisions I take or make will make me a bad person in someone’s eyes. This is ok too because being honest with youself takes real courage and that to me is self love.